Happy Monday! Aren’t Mondays the freaking worst? I tend to spend Sundays stuffing my face and lying immobile on my couch marathon-watching television, something I always promise myself not to do the subsequent Sunday when it inevitably leads me to spend Mondays running around like a chicken with my head cut off (a note on this little metaphor: I use it quite a lot, but it’s so gross and inaccurate when you think about it. I clearly have a head. It would be horrifying if I was trying to run errands without one. And while my running is frenzied, I’d like to think it’s a bit more purposeful than that of a beheaded bird. Analogies are really bizarre sometimes, my least favorite by far is “to piss like a racehorse.” What does that even mean?! Anyhow…)

To integrate a bit of organization and order into your manic Monday and mine, my most OCD post yet. I know I have some seriously obessive-compulsive tendencies–I have a specific order to every garment hanging in my closet and notice when one is in any way out of place, I can’t work unless all the items on my desk, from knick-knacks to documents, are aligned at their proper angles, and I once had a nervous breakdown about being unable to hang a framed picture up straight (although that could have been me projecting).  The funniest thing about these quirks is I often don’t notice how odd they are until someone points them out. When I was traveling over the holidays, S took notice of the contents of my purse–normal things such as a wallet, sunglasses, crumpled up receipts and tickets stubs, and two very full pouches, stuffed to the brim with essentials ranging from gum to a stain stick to stamps (yes, stamps. Do you know how hard stamps are to find? They are literally not sold anywhere but the Post Office, which in New York City, is a place whos dread factor is only beat out by the DMV). On a tram in Berlin (which, obviously, was travelling in the opposite direction that we needed to go), S made me inventory the contents of my pouches and concluded that a) I was crazy, and b) He who mugged me would be the happiest and most well-prepared crook ever.

I would like to invite second opinions. Below, my pouches and the contents thereof:

[Pouches: Tylie Malibu Runaway Set. Dimensions: 8.5×5.5 in and 5.5×3.5 in. These also came with a third pouch that is 6.5×10 in., which I use as a makeup case/occasional clutch. Lotion: I Love Cosmetics Coconut & Cream. I would recommend both the pouches and the lotion with 100% confidence]

[The fun part! Contents: 1 Rosebud Salve, 1 Trident Gum, 1 Duane Reade Brand Stain Stick, 1 Hand Sanitizer, 1 Crest Mouthwash, 1 Set Wisp Toothbrushes, 1 Booklet Stamps, 5 Band-Aids, 5 Splenda, 1 Burt’s Bees Chapstick, 1 Sally Hansen Clear Nail Polish, 1 Nail File, 1 Fold-Up Hairbrush, 1 Bottle Tums, 1 Heart-Shaped Pillbox for the rest of my drugs, and 1 seriously password protected USB Drive with photos of copies of my documents, in case I am kidnapped and sold into sex slavery and need proof of my identity when I escape in the night]

With (maybeeee) the exception of the USB drive, I thoroughly believe that every woman should carry these essentials with her. One of my biggest queries in life is how the hell men go through their day without a purse. Thus, since I am lucky enough to get to carry a lifeline worth half my rent everywhere I  go, I’m going to damn well make sure it serves its purpose. Over the years, I’ve found that pouches work best to organize my daily essentials, since I can pop them from purse to purse without having to dig through all my crap. Magically, I can fit all of the above into my pouches, which in turn neatly fit into all my “day” bags–most recently, a brown Rebecca Minkoff Swoon Hobo (which is, WTF, 60% of at Nieman Marcus right now GET IT) and a black Botkier Charlotte Satchel. And, not only am I prepared for apocolypse, but I still have room for a book, my iPad, a bottle of Smart Water (always) and a wallet and sunglasses.

[Wallet: Tory Burch (from boyfriend). Sunglasses: Chloe (from Century21 BADA BOOM)]

Back to chicken running, but first–how about you, ladies? Do you just throw your shit into your bag and go, like a normal person who doesn’t line up her shoes in heel order, or do you have essentials you don’t travel without? Please share your most OCD tendencies in the comments!