As an, ahem, more well-endowed woman (sorry Mama, despite your warnings about what can happen in chat rooms, here I am talking about my boobs on the internet. I know. I’m grounded, forever), I’ve always had  trouble finding bathing suits I liked. Every year, I would solve this issue by purchasing a half dozen poorly made $50 bikinis from Victoria’s Secret, and subsequently fretting with cover-ups that barely concealed my entire breast. Needless to say, I hated how I looked on the beach.

Only recently have I learned that bikinis, despite being two teeny tiny pieces of clothing that seem to have no rhyme or reason, (especially for those of us who are big fans of big breakfast), follow the rules of practicaly all other apparel–they fit and look better if you actually invest in them.

Lucky for me, and my nips, the week after Fourth of July might be the best time to score big at designer swimwear sales. Yesterday, in a frenzy of internet shopping that lasted approximately 4 minutes and caused hundreds of dollars of damage, I picked up a few sweet bikinis, and even a daring one piece. Peruse below, and head on over to The Outnet and Shopbop for their annual swim sales. Psst–J.Crew has great swimwear as well, and because they are a high street label and thus sold in malls, they are built for a more classic American body type–obese (but it also works super well for those of us with a C+ cup). Cheapie e-retailer ASOS also offers D-cup options of many of their most popular swimsuits, preventing embarrassing pool volleyball incidents.

I. Nip-Slip Resistant:

[Left To Right, Top Row: Vix, Diane Von Furstenberg, Vix. Middle Row: Mara Hoffman, J.Crew, Victoria’s Secret (breaking all my own rules!) . Bottom Row: Zimmerman, Mara Hoffman, Zimmerman]

II. For Days You’ve Had Last Night’s Pizza For Breakfast And Are Expected At The Beach By Noon…

[…A Girl Needs A Good Coverup. Tunics: Mara Hoffman, J.Crew, Monki. Shoes: Ipanema (so cute and only $25!), Tory Burch]

 See ya at the beach, sista.