Watching the Olympics is a bit of a bittersweet experience for me. On the one hand, it’s an amazing feat of athleticism and a chance to root on team USA (also, a great excuse for a drinking game). On the other, it really makes my own athleticism (which is limited to yoga, Pilates, the occasional slow turn on the elliptical machine in my building’s basement, and running for the next Brooklyn-bound L train) seem terribly pathetic.

As an effort to combat these pathetic feelings, I thought I’d share my favorite New York fitness regimens here on the blog. Primarily in the hopes that they’ll attract the attention of the two fine young men below:

[Call me, maybe? (If you have been living under a rock, Ryan Lochte & Michael Phelps]

I. Hot Yoga

I belong to Moksha Yoga, a hot yoga studio in the West Village. Although I detest Bikram (slow-paced yoga practiced in a 105 degree room), I love Moksha, a faster, flow-based sequence that is practiced in a room heated to 95-100 degrees (let me tell you, those 5 degrees make all.the.difference). Hot yoga makes me limber and flexible, as well as giving me a semblance of an arm muscle. It also provides an amazing, one hour, sweat-drenched period of “me time.” I can honestly say that there’s nothing that feels better than pushing your body to it’s limits in a heated room, sweating out your  toxins, and reveling in the instruction of Moksha’s excellent teachers.

II. Core Fusion

Core Fusion is pretty essential in the regimen of twenty and thirty-something skinny bitches in New York. The classes, which are a mixture of Pilates, Barre, Yoga, Dance and Cardio, are held in the fancy-shmancy Gansevoort Hotels in the Meatpacking district and Gramercy, and consist of an ultra-skinny ultra-bitch urging you to tone, tighten, bend, and flex. They work your (duh) core, as well as your arms, legs, and ass. A good Core Fusion class leaves me sore. An excellent one leaves me unable to walk. Friends who have gone with me love me that day, and hate me the next. I couldn’t recommend it more.

III. SoulCycle

Another must-have in the twenty and thirty-something skinny bitch fitness regimen is SoulCyle. One part culty, two parts cardio, and half a part “Maybe I’ll see Jake Gyllenhaal,”these classes kick your butt with 45 minutes of spinning as well as fun strength-training moves. The instructors are all Lochte/Phelps hot, and the music is amazing. I always love these classes for a heart-pumping work out, and an excuse to people-watch all the ridiculously attractive women pumping their stationary bikes.

IV. Poor Man’s Soul Cycle

Or, in laymen’s terms, biking. I love the Hudson River Bike Path for a Saturday afternoon of amazing views and fun adventures. My favorite place to rent a bike is Hudson Urban Bicycle, although there are plenty of other bike shops up and down the river. Although all workouts are better (and easier!) with a friend, this is my favorite opportunity to grab a pal and get the sweat dripping.

See, Olympics? You ain’t got nothing on me.

[Me, post-workout. Yes, I turned black. I sometimes answer to Gabby]

[Actually me. See, I’m not making this stuff up!]

If all else fails, call me for rules on the official Team USA drinking game. I’m twice as good at drinking as I am at yoga, and my downward dog is nothin’ to scoff at.

P.S: Check out my coverage of Olympics-inspired fashion over on SheFinds.com!