In this week’s edition of What Would They Wear (see also: Anastasia Steele, The Ladies of Game Of Thrones, Katniss Everdeen, Megan Draper), we evaluate the closet of a TV character who couldn’t care less what she wears–but should.
Skyler White is the wife of Walter White, main character of Breaking Bad, the best show that has ever been on television. In case you do not watch Breaking Bad, go home, cancel your happy hour plans for the next three weeks, and commit to watching Breaking Bad, immediately (This can really be done in one week if you are committed. I know. I once watched eleven episodes in a row, pausing only twice, to tip the nice Thai food delivery man. It was a dark time in my life).
In the meantime, here is a brief executive summary: Nice chemistry teacher (Walter White) in New Mexico diagnosed with cancer. Nice chemistry teacher needs to make money to pay for his treatments and support his family (Skyler White, kid with lisp, unborn baby girl) once he’s gone. Nice chemistry teacher decides to avoid the Magic Mike route, befriends former student, begins cooking and distributing methamphetamine. Over the course of the next four seasons (SPOIIIIIIIIILER ALERT. Seriously. Spoiler alert. Stop reading now if you have not seen and wish to see Breaking Bad), nice chemistry teacher kills and disintegrates bodies of drug dealers, poisons small children with desert plants, physically blows the head off a bunch of nice senior citizens, and also, a drug lord, aids in the murder of a Mexican cartel, watches his partner’s girlfriend choke on her own vomit and die, ultimately causes a massive plane crash and scares the shit out of pregnant wife, who, in turn, does some pretty crazy crap herself (sleeps with boss, conspires to murder boss, starts money laundering business, cries a lot). Also, in this process, he makes something like 6 million dollars worth of drug money. #Whatever.
Skyler White is, in our opinion, a dowdy Albuquerque momma who wears a lot of ill-fitting maxi dresses. Being the wife of a rising drug lord, we’re thinking she should step it up. Perhaps help herself to some petty cash, drive to the nearest Nieman Marcus (it’s in Scottsdale, Arizona. We checked), and pick up an accessory or two. She’s certainly got the funds for it. Then, she should invest in some highlights and a push-up bra, hook up with the White’s sleazy lawyer, Saul, and book it to the nearest respectable city (we were going to say Vegas, but given the circumstances, we recommend LA), get really into SoulCycle (because it is, after all, LA), lose a ton of weight, and go undercover as a call girl for the DEA where she will (aha moment!) aid and abet in the team that actually catches Heisenberg/Walter White but (twist!) rather than helping prosecute him she will craft the alibi that helps him escape, and, in the series final episode, run away together to a luscious tropical island where (final twist!) you will find out that everyone in the series has been dead all along.
Oh wait. This isn’t LOST, and if it breaks my heart the way that show did, I will move to Albuquerque and start cooking meth. Until then, chick could definitely use some of that drug money for a little shopping spree. Shall we?
What Would Skyler White Wear?
Editor’s Note: Like what you see? I am available for personal styling, as well as pilot writing, screenplays, and future seasons of The Bachelorette.