The title of this post may refer to one of four things:

1. This list of fifty actual shades of the color grey (including but not limited to: drunkard-fingernail grey, full-moon grey, unclean-coffee-machine grey, Steve-Buschemi-body grey, must-take-shower-tomorrow grey and 45 others).

2. An accurate description for the weather in New York (and consequentially, my mood) this week.

3. The color grey as the perfect neutral for your spring and summer wardrobe, being that it is more flattering than white, more creative than black, and comes in fifty shades (Disclaimer: other than full-moon grey, I would strongly advise against incorporating any of the five shades of grey in #1 into your spring and summer wardrobe, and would like to henceforth state that I have no liability if you attempt to do so and subsequentally realize Steve-Buschemi-body grey isn’t your color after all)

4. The best-selling trilogy of  casual BDSM “mommy-porn” by E.L. James featuring Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey (of whom there are–surprise! fifty shades) that has been banned from libraries nationwide due to the fact that around 47 of Mr.Grey’s shades are of the highly explicit and sexual nature that I, being a former English major (til sophomore year because, well, what do you do with a B.A. in English?) and a self-respecting woman promised to never ever read until my cousin had it on her Kindle in Mexico and after skimming a few chapters out of curiosity, I devoured in two days. Whatever.

If you eagerly guessed #4–right on, your dirty bird (although I must stress, grey really is an excellent neutral. Especially for blondes. I’m wearing at least three shades right now).

Bearing in mind that Anastasia Steele is either a) wearing unflattering college sweatshirts or b) bound up in whips and chains (Spoiler Alert?) for the majority of this trilogy, consider this your PG version of What Would Anastasia Steele Wear (see also: What Would Khaleesi/Lady Stark Wear, What Would Katniss Everdeen Wear, What Would Megan Draper Wear).

[Dress: Rag & Bone, Jacket: Moschino Cheap & Chic, Purse: Chanel, Shoes: McQ Alexander McQueen, Lipstick: YSL, Necklace: Miss Selfridge, Bracelets: LK Designs / Jigsaw]

And, to be fair, What Would Christian Grey Wear?

[Jeans: Rag & Bone, Watch: Rolex]

Laters, baby.